Rugby Mad

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I got this from Edna's and thought this a good chance to learn what are people's thoughts on me. So click this and start doing it. And I assume all of you will be honest at this as we are honest people.

Finally tomorrow is the Oasis concert. So don't look back in anger, my wonder wall cause there is a champagne supernova tomorrow

` try scored

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I've been trying to find out who this band was and I finally did it. I feel this song suits my life now.

Who I am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
sinking up to the beating of my heart,
and I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can’t let that happen again
‘cause then you’ll see my heart
in the saddest state it’s ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
and who I am won’t take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I’ve been
‘cause who I’ve been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to try and never become that way again
‘cause who I am hates who I’ve been.
Who I am hates who I’ve been.

` try scored

It's been an interesting two weeks. Needing to spend more time in camp because of other people's decision and trying to do what's right at least till I finally leave this part of my life. It's not that I hate it, in fact I think I'll miss it, but it does gets to you if you are at a place too long. Just like people.

Sometimes when you know someone for a long time, there are some things that you just naturally assume about him. That is until both of you bared your thoughts to each other and realize how wrong you could be. He was everything opposite to the person you thought he was. I rarely did bared my heart and soul to anyone. I always managed to control myself even though there were some moments I lost control and it scares me what I would do if I completely lost control.

As the deadline for my decision for the future draws near, there were instances where I seriously lost my self confidence. The last week was spent lying awake at night thinking whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. It reached a point where there was one night I need to speak to someone, anyone, to calm me down before I lose myself. It took all my willpower to just to sleep but strangely the next morning the feeling is gone. The last few days, I am finally convinced to stay on this path.

Where it will lead? I do not know but what I know I will do to the best of my abilities. I'm tired of hurting the people I cared about with my laid back attitude to life. I never want to see them dissapointed again.

` try scored