Rugby Mad

Friday, October 06, 2006

We were playing rugby. I was in the starting lineup and it was the first match of the season. We were against a team consisting of all my rivals for my starting position. During the match, I could not tackle them and they just kept scoring tries from my mistakes. The coach finally put me in the reserves and put my rival in my position instead. Then I woke up.

Sometimes it seems like a natural defense system. To hurt people I care about or love. There were so many unforced errors on my part. I want to experience it but I don't want the hurt that goes along with it. In a way, that's why everytime when I finally met someone I like, I will then ignore her or do something to hurt her. Even though I know that it's hard for me to meet people I'm physically attracted to. That it's harder for me to like someone's character. The guilt is always there. I'm not a perfect person so why do I expect everyone to be?

It's always been in my mind but I always chose to ignore it. I need someone to bare my heart to. The weight of these thoughts are slowing me down. Will you be the one to help me in this journey?

You said everything will be alright, but you were wrong. So wrong...

` try scored